


We are connected

by pxatvi



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Bottom Harry, Bottom Harry Styles, Cheating, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exes to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Older Louis Tomlinson, Pining, Sad Harry Styles, Sad Louis Tomlinson, Slow Build, Slow Romance, Smut, Top Louis, Top Louis Tomlinson, Younger Harry Styles, exes to friends, past relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:55:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27182095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pxatvi/pseuds/pxatvi
Summary: “Louis, please.” – I squeezed my eyes shut.He took a slow breath. “What exactly do you want me to say, Harry?” He aggressively rubbed his face with his hands. “What do you want to hear?”“Anything”He turned his body towards me and looked into my eyes. My heart stopped. He opened his mouth a few times but nothing came out of them. “Hazz, I…”“You what? Just tell me what is on your mind right now. Just tell me, Louis.”- I was begging. I couldn’t handle this anymore. I needed something to stand on. I was floating in this mess of feelings a couple of months now, unable to catch anything. I didn't know what to do.Or, Louis was Harry's first everything. They connected like something cosmic. Harry was young and stupid back then, he didn't know what he had. So here they are, five years later sitting on the exactly same bed, where they made love for the first time. But today Louis isn’t Harry's boyfriend. He is his friend.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Mitch Rowland/Harry Styles, Zayn Malik/Louis Tomlinson
Kudos: 8





	We are connected

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is a story based a little on my own experiences, I needed a place to pour out my feelings. It is really important to me. Also english isn't my first language(hi from Poland) so if there are any big mistakes please tell me. Tell me if it is readable..  
> Next chapters will be longer.  
> Enjoy!

I have never thought that all of this will end up like It did. Because, who would have? Who would have thought that I will be sitting here, five years later on the exactly same bed, where I made love for the first time with a boy who is now sitting next to me. But today he isn’t my boyfriend like he used to be back then. He is just one of my friends, but not exactly behaving like one. I am not good at it either.

I have spent a lot of nights thinking about moments like this, thinking about what I would say to Louis when opportunity comes. When Louis will stop hating me so much and we can finally have a conversation. But now, when this is really happening? My brain really likes to fuck with me. To be honest, I feel this really strong need to tell a lot of things that are going in my head. I want to tell everything, show him my soul, be wide open with him. Just like on the other days when we didn’t hesitant to say anything going on our minds, even if it was stupid. I want to destroy this awfully huge and thick wall, which is standing between us. But I can’t. I can’t because it isn’t me who is now allowed to be so close. Louis has someone else by his side. Someone who he truly loves. I know this unique look in his eyes, full of warmth. I remember it and I know what it means because once it was directed towards me.

"Okay, I will bring some snacks." said Louis, then got up and went to the kitchen. I followed him with my eyes unconsciously. He always had this unique power of me, seems like it hasn’t changed. He was even more beautiful than a few years ago. Little bit older, rougher, but at the same time soft somehow in his a little too big red hoodie.

"Maybe go help Louis? And can you bring me some beer too, love?" asked Mitch. My boyfriend. Correct, I am in a really deep shit.

"Yeah, be right back." I said, looking at him and Louis’s boy playing fifa together. They clicked immediately and even exchanged their phone numbers on our first meeting, while laughing at mine and Lou’s shocked faces.

I feel guilt with my thoughts, I am not a monster. At least I like to think that way, but if I am begin honest then… I don’t know for sure. In the end, all of this situation is because of me. It is all my fault that all of us are here, playing games, drinking cheap beer and chatting. It is all my fault that me and Louis aren’t together anymore. It is all my fault that Mitch is probably wasting his life right now in our relationship.

I care about Mitch. I know how stupid it sounds, but it is true. I think that I can even say that I love him. But with Louis… it is just different. He was my first everything, first kiss, first boy, first person with I made so strong bond. All of memories that I have. We have. Feelings like this just don’t disappear. I can’t shut it down even if I wanted to. I really want to ask Louis how he did that. How he erased us and filled that hole. Sometimes I just think that I will spend my whole life missing a part of me which belongs to him.

I made it to the kitchen, where Lou was kneeling on the floor, searching for something in the cupboard. He didn’t saw me yet. 

"Need help?" I asked. Louis turned around so fast that I was afraid he broke his neck.

"Oh, it’s you." his eyes started running everywhere but me. "You can put popcorn in the microwave."

We were moving side by side, doing everything in absolute silence. Louis wasn’t a silent person before, so it was really weird to watch today. I could feel that he wasn’t comfortable around me. He was distant, careful, but maybe this is him now? Maybe in the end I don’t know him and only think that I do? Time is our enemy they say.

He handed me a bowl. I took it and in this process our fingers brushed. I held my breath wanting to find out what his reaction would be. He just looked at me shortly and immediately went back to the living room where his boyfriend was sitting with mine. I let out a breath, then closed my eyes. What am I doing? Why am I here?

I thought that the meeting would be a good idea. It has been two years after our breakup. It was mostly a silent two years for us, we wrote with each other occasionally for birthdays or Christmas. I was suprised that he even did this to be honest. I wouldn’t judge him if he didn’t want to have anything to do with me. It should be what you get for begin a cheater. It is me who fucked us up, it is me who made Louis cry for the first time since I knew him. I still remember his face full of pain when he find out about me kissing Mitch, I could never forget that. 

One thing leaded to another, and we were chatting one day about how it would be nice to meet each other for a beer or two. With our boyfriends of course. And I am a very selfish person. I have missed his presence. Now? I got what I wanted-Louis next to me and absolute mess in my head. Add his amazing boyfriend Zayn next to it. What can I tell about Zayn from two meetings that we already had? He is everything that I am not. Everything which I know that Louis wanted and I couldn’t give him.


End file.
